An Honest Thief

by

Robert Kahn

From the title novella’s political/social treatise by an alcoholic to a fugued selection of three versions of “Killing Jim,” Kahn’s fiction will rollick you with its simplicity and–dare one say–insight? Yes, insight. So let Bob into your house to take whatever he needs—what are you, some kind of crass, spiritless materialist? And then find out why the three Sheilas want their three husbands killed—by you? Well, you might just be willing after reading their complaints. Or you might not. But you’ll get laughs and laughs in the interim while contemplating the perfect murder along with the Sheilas and their lovers.
So relax: “My name’s Bob. I’m an alcoholic. I steal things.”

ISBN, trade paper: 0-931982-46-5 price: ($14.95)

ISBN, library edition: 0-931982-45-7 price: ($25.00)

Excerpt from the book:

    My name’s Bob. I’m an alcoholic. I steal things.
    You could call me a burglar, but I don’t like the word. Once you say a guy is a burglar, once you’ve put him in that hole, you could think that’s all he does: that’s Bob the burglar; he steals things. That’s true, but it’s not who I am. I’m a burglar for a couple hours a week, when I break into your house and take your stuff. The rest of the time I’m just a guy like anyone else. You might see me at a ballgame, or I might strike up a conversation with you in the checkout line at the Albertson’s. I’m a friendly guy. I like to meet people and get to know them. That’s how I make my living. I get to know you, know things about you, where you live, what you have, when you’re going out of town. That makes it easier to steal things from you. And since most of you are insured, there’s no harm done. The only real harm I do is to myself—that I accept the way I’m living. But I can stand it if you can.
    I don’t think I’m harming the insurance companies when I steal things, and I don’t care if I do hurt them. They adjust their rates so they come out ahead no matter what a small-time thief does. Insurance companies run the world. They own practically everything, and if they don’t own it, one of their vice presidents sits on the board. I looked it up. So if I hurt an insurance company by stealing from you, so what? Guys like me keep them in business. If there were no guys like me, you wouldn’t have to insure your stuff. Then where would the insurance companies be?